Fear Of Loss Of Friends
( Originally Published Early 1900's )
Your friends are born, not made. Physically explained, friendship is due to a certain closeness of harmony between two individuals.
This harmony obtains fundamentally in the etheric movements of the personal atmospheres. If the harmony etheric tends to merging of movements because all movements in one person fit perfectly those of an-other person, the friendship will be that of love. A looser complementing, so to speak, is the harmony of ordinary friendship. As we are born with a definite number of brain-cells, which may develop, but the multitude of which never in life can be increased, a certain limited range of nature is determined for us by our birth. These and other facts constitute the basis of the conclusion that we are born friends, not manufactured.
In terms of matter, the last analysis of each per-son's nature leads to the idea of a given arrangement and number of movements in the etheric matrix as ground of physical body and parts. With such an endowment we are also born.
In terms of psychics, the individual nature is definitely endowed for development with powers and traits which may be symbolized by such etheric movements, but which really express within them.
In mechanics, some varieties of motion will not harmonize with others. So, in the ether-ground and the psychic system of any individual, harmony with other systems (persons) may require greater ingenuity of skill in adjustment — often obtaining not very satisfactorily, failing to secure certain friendships, or even proving utterly impossible.
Your real friends, then, are given you when you come into the world. Somewhere they await you, as you await them; sometime they will come to you as you will go to them. You need not seek them: the nature of things will in due time bring them to you.
Then you will know the one who has come: not, perhaps, instantly, but sooner or later — surely know.
The measure in which these propositions are sanely true depends on the measure of your steadfast fidelity to your truest and highest self. By so much as you are splendidly and growingly YOU at the best (reasonably speaking), by so much will you have true friends to the very last. This is an infallible method for winning friends. If you try to make them, you will fail. You can only create friends, and this you accomplish by growing friendships, and this you achieve by being always, freely, with idealism and aspiration as your motive powers, your whole true and highest self.
When you catch and feel the certainty of the truth here presented, your fears for future loneliness must vanish — provided you accept the regime:
REGIME AGAINST FEAR OF THE LOSS OF FRIENDS.
First Phase: The True Self Now. You are, therefore, urged now to resolve and always to make good the resolution: "I am now and from henceforth I freely shall be, in idealism and aspiration, my whole highest true self."
If you will look back upon your life, you will see that always your deepest friendships have sprung up without search, effort or planning. You have for a time, now and then, felt that this or that person was surely your friend. But time, space, work, have intervened, and the so-solid seeming bonds have faded away. Yet here and there bonds have somehow held — your relations of friendship have been kept up, and you know now that nothing can dissolve the ties that bind, nothing can destroy the few friendships which remain to you. These values are yours forever.
Second Phase: Self as Resource. It is the loss of the ephemeral friendships that suggests some final day of loneliness to you, and inspires the fear now before us. We observe :
No human being should ever permit himself to depend on any other human being for happiness. The happiness which springs from friendships is legitimate and desirable, with a reservation — that self and God's world still hold good and are enough, whatever become of this friendship or that companionship. Thus appears the foundation-truth of real friendship.
Your value to your friend, and his value to you, is in each case measured precisely by your ability to companion and be alone with your own soul. You enjoy your friend by giving and receiving values, and the values depend on the depth and wealth of the self. If you can find happiness and wealth in self, you will make a true friend for some other self. But when you depend on your friend, you by so much leave yourself unmined, undiscovered, undeveloped, and you thus rob yourself and your friend.
You are therefore, urged to be your whole true and highest self, and to cultivate ability to find there happiness, and power and comradeship. By so much as one observes such a principle, by so much must the fear of future loneliness vanish from his thought.
Third Phase: Psychic Demand. You are invited to bring psychic demand upon the present for true friends now and thus to develop within the subconscious self an attitude and quality which shall in the future always secure you the now-friends you need, both for happiness and for welfare and success. Psychic demand alone will infallibly banish the fear here discussed.