How To Get Fat
( Originally Published 1929 )
Copy this and put it on your mirror if you want to get fat.
Eat too much and exercise too little.
Avoid salads, fruits and greens.
Eat bread before each meal. Take plenty of rice, macaroni, potatoes, white bread, pastries, sugar, candies, gravies, salad dressings and cream.
Take double portions.
Eat between meals.
Take a cocktail or two before eating and liquor during meals and after.
Go to a beauty parlor for your reducing advice. Don't miss a day without afternoon tea and dainty sandwiches or pastry.
Do no housework or other work involving effort.
Take a siesta every afternoon.
Exercise your abdomen by massage and your bowels by cathartics.
Take a midnight supper once or twice a week, eat lunch at a fashionable restaurant twice a week and dine at the country club once a week.
Play ping pong instead of tennis, play golf on the putting green instead of the golf course.
Go to a fashionable doctor who will sympathize with you and not chastise you.
Go where it is cool in summer and warm in winter.
Do not sweat--it is vulgar and uncomfortable. Wear out rubber tires instead of rubber heels.