Practical Advice For Aged Married Lovers

( Originally Published 1940 )

AND so we come to the last stage of human life, in which sexual stimuli find no response, while the vegetative functions continue for a time, although but feebly. This is the period of decrepitude, of senile decay.

In the male total impotence gradually becomes the normal state. If sperm-cells are occasionally produced, they are swept away unnoticed with the urinary secretion, if the power of erection has been lost as a symptom of paralysis consequent on diminished reflex excitability (see chapter 20). And yet many a grey-headed old man tries to awaken his slumbering passion with alcohol and debauchery, which can only hasten the end. The wise man thinks more of his honour and resigns himself to the inevitable. He will have to do so anyway, before he is laid under the cold ground or carried to the crematorium.

If one exercises self-denial, this period of life, too, may be crowned with blessings. Although childhood, without any sexuality what-ever, is so very charming, there is something far nobler in the repose of old age. The needs and desires of the body give place more and more to spiritual ideals; one's love can now be free from material complications, with a free mind, free from all earthly considerations, an experience which is felt to be a foretaste of paradise, as though the soul were already detached from the body. Many an honourable old man, many a faithful mother, is in this way illumined by a glow of light from above; and indeed, long, long after they have left us, there survives in our grateful remembrance this halo of their holy lives.

The difference in sex is no longer prominent, and this encourages confidence in many cases where the sexual formerly represented an obstacle. And the person's disposition becomes calmer and more even, more forbearing and patient, and less immoderate in joy. One does not have to go far in search of happiness; one possesses a world of memories in oneself.

The advantages of this stage, in which one has risen superior to all the storms of life, are indeed so great that there are many people who are too proud of them, and would like to force their own asexuality on others, although these latter were in the middle stage of their lives and at the height of their sexual activity, and should therefore still be exercising these gifts, And sexual abstinence is held up as a virtue, even as the greatest of virtues; so that the preaching of this morbid principle spoils and desecrates pure conjugal happiness.

When we are young we should be very sparing in the use of strong stimulants, and especially with sexual ones, so that we may long remain youthful, but we should not think that we attain the same end, if we suppress the sexual function as far as possible when we are grown up. On the contrary, a regular, normal and approved exercise of the sexual function tends far more to ensure a lasting preservation of one's strength.

Indolence, too, only hastens old age, for one only becomes lazier; and the obesity that it occasions makes the approach of old age all the heavier to bear. One should do everything possible in order to get a little thinner as time goes on, so as to render the work of the muscles easier, and not to hamper the heart and lungs in their functions.

The female organism also is all the better for rest at an advanced age. With the approach of old age all the connective tissues lose their elasticity, so that not only do the charming curves of the female form disappear, but her sexual organ is no longer well adapted for intercourse: if children have been borne, it is too widely distended and flabby; and if there have been none, there is too rigid a narrowing of the orifice. All these are friendly warnings of Nature that the time for rest has come.

In Chapter 60 we have already spoken of the pangs of old age which make their appearance as soon as a stoppage of the sexual congestions of the circulation occurs. If we properly understand the meaning of this, the remedy is indicated at the same time. Then more or less as may be necessary, we should employ hygienic substitutes for the disappearing stimulation of the circulation; such as home-gymnastics, massage, lukewarm baths with a good rubbing down afterwards, etc. Especially should we take walks in the fresh air, or, if the weather should be bad, in the corridor.

All great fatigue, and especially continuous mental-strain should be avoided. The hest book for an old man is the history of his own life. Cicero says in "De Senectute" that old people with their experience can be most useful to the younger generation. This is certainly very useful to the younger generation, although its results often turn out quite different from what grandpa thought when he was vaunting his own young days.

In this connection, there is a special point to which far more attention must be paid than in earlier years. Because the circulation is no longer stimulated sexually, it is of the greatest importance not wilfully to hinder the circulation still more by neglect of the other two secretory functions which still remain active.

There is always great danger, because the urge is not so distinctly felt, that an old person will neglect these functions; vice versa, if he is aware of this latter danger, that he will continually worry himself over a possible forgetfulness, and it becomes almost an obsession with him. And he will also underestimate his own capabilities in this respect through diminished sensibility,(2) and if his family is not aware of this, they put it down to incipient idiocy, which often proves very trying to the doctor's patience.

As our readers may see, the curve of our story has taken a downward course again, because we must again refer to those material details that we started with. But life is like that. When the old man becomes so helpless, he needs sympathy and help, just like a child, and it is very comforting to him, if his relatives quite understand his condition, and assist him kindly in his needs. Old people are like little children, they like to be spoilt a little. Little fit-bits and sweet things are also very welcome; for they can no longer eat much at a time.

And now we come to other typical troubles of old age; which in general originate from the internal decline, i.e., from the wearing out of the organs.

We referred in the last chapter to the lessened sensibility of the more delicate organs; finally, however, the general sensibility of the skin, i.e., the sense of touch, also becomes weaker and weaker. This may easily produce the impression on those around that the old man is indifferent, careless or dirty. But one should then remember how careful he once was!

And on that account he will no longer sufficiently notice harmful influences; or if he notices the danger himself, he will be all the more anxious. Fortunately, the sensibility to pain, and the psychic sensitiveness to suffering also become gradually lessened; and if compared with the sensitiveness in childhood, the difference is most remarkable.

Secondly, I must mention the diminished efficiency of the entire muscular system, especially diminished capacity for sustained effort. If young men overtire themselves, their muscles will be painful; but this occurs very rapidly in old people, even if the muscles only have to maintain a certain position for a short time. And for that reason everything must be shortened now: short walks, with short stops for rest, and short conversations. Even sleep of a night can only last a short while, and thus a few little naps in the course of the day are found necessary to repair the loss of sleep; it makes them very happy when they can have "forty winks."

When they sleep in the day-time, they ought to lie down, instead of remaining seated, for they sit up too much as it is. If we take the trouble to consider all these things, we can reduce the troubles of old age to a minimum. At last there comes a time when all movements of the muscles are painful, slow and trembling, and all the joints then resume the flexed position they occupied when our lives began.

Thirdly, the power of resistance to harmful influences is reduced to a minimum, which is sometimes erroneously, or perhaps euphemistically called hyper-sensitiveness; and yet, as we have already seen, it is especially the sensibility which is diminished so terribly. While the strong man must brave a danger and learn to fight it, the aged man is obliged to avoid it like a little child. Happy is the man who glories in his strength, and especially his sexual strength, in the flower of his manhood, so that he can found a happy home and a family; for later on he can enjoy the rest and the attentions he needs in his old age. And then it will be seen who is the more fortunate, the young man who is able to work but obliged to work very hard and to earn his living by the sweat of his brow, and sometimes in care and trouble; or the old man who is in need of rest, who is able to enjoy his well-earned repose while he looks back happily on his former exploits.