Imperious Approach Of Sex Maturity

( Originally Published 1940 )

The nearer we approach maturity, the more powerfully does the sexual urge make itself felt, with constantly renewed intensity. For it is not in this case a question of an avoidable stimulation of one of the senses, but of an urge materially founded on a secretory function that cannot be evaded. No matter how much our attention may be diverted from it, or how much we may be taken up by our business, the urge always returns relentlessly, systematically, and with increased intensity, exciting us each time to an extreme degree.

At first it was sufficient for us to expend our energy on other objects. If we were able at that time to avoid all accidental causes of sexual stimulation, the sexual urge did not become too overwhelming; although it soon cropped up again. Although the urge might have been very impetuous for a moment, if we did not give way to it, we remained master of our passions, and soon felt quite calm in our minds again.

But the stronger the physical constitution becomes in adult life, the more the tension in the seminal vesicles increases, and the more the blood is stimulated by the presence of the hormones. This stimulation gives us no peace day or night; there are only short pauses, after which we feel doubly tortured and almost driven to despair.

After all it is surprising that such an excessive stasis of the circulation does not torture us still more!

So it finally happens, earlier with some people and later with others, that this same congestive tension, which so charmed and delighted us at first, becomes through its excessive increase so great, and so painful; feels so overwhelming and constantly more of a burden. At first the increasing tension caused feelings of pleasure, and the relief of tension was a disappointment; hence-forward our only desire is to be freed from this troublesome impulse...it is this liberation that would now afford us the greatest pleasure.

Shall we yield to this urge? The reader will remember the picture of the child who struggled in vain against the impulse of Nature (chapter 17). Unfortunately it is so in this case, for on the one hand the urge is so overpowering, and on the other the contra-indications which forbid us to yield may be so definite.

It is a conflict into which we shall always be drawn again and again, no matter how absorbing our other occupations may be. It often happens that we are so mastered by it in the midst of our work, that it is absolutely impossible for us to collect our thoughts and concentrate our attention on one point; and it is worst of all at night, just when we should rest. We have to fight the hardest battle in the solitude of the night, and without being able to expend our energy on any kind of work. This silent suffering undermines our physical strength.

Silent suffering-for if we tried to express it like animals-the cries of our domestic animals for instance-we should only make it worse. So we keep silence; and if we hear the cry of our domestic animals, it goes to our hearts; for as we are related to every living creature, we understand their language; but because we are afraid of betraying our feelings, we prefer to mock at the sufferings of these poor creatures. For no one troubles his head about us, if abstinence ruins us.

It is a hard fight. It disturbed our psychic life from the first, but now that the fire is burning so near us, it becomes really too bad, and we want to be freed from the torture. But how?

Masturbation is too childish, too messy, too silly and does not satisfy our minds or our longing for sympathy and affection. The idea of prostitution is repellent to us, that is still worse than masturbation; and we are too valuable to risk the loss of our honour and our health in a single night. But what shall we do then?

Now we come to regard nocturnal emissions in quite a different light from what we did formerly, when they were such a disagreeable surprise.

If everyone is so cruel to us now, and the remedy for which we long so intensely is kept from us, Nature is far kinder to us than even our dearest relatives. Right and duty are categorical, but under the veil of night, Nature gently lends us her aid, and affords us in pleasant dreams, even if only for a short time, the relief that we need so greatly. How desperate, however, must our condition be-come before this relief occurs!

Nor is that what we really require. We should like to run up the entire scale of passionate enjoyment with a chosen kindred spirit in full consciousness, in our waking hours, and not dimly in our sleep; we want to be able fully to express all that we feel so passionately.

It is no light task to find the ideal person and to get used to one another. It is easy enough to enter on a casual relationship, but what grave complications may result! And if we once begin with that sort of thing...We want to be permanently happy, we want to attain the height of happiness, and that takes time, and requires much self-control, until the happy time comes when we can yield body and soul to our partner without anxiety or regret.

That is the most beautiful task of our lives, the climax of the development of our energy. No sacrifice is too great if we can only attain this ideal. To get on in the world, to win each other, to build a nest together and found a family. So it is sexual passion that arouses in us all the chivalrous virtues; it encourages us to devote ourselves to loving duties, which will constantly grow with the realisation of our ideal in the bosom of the family.