Establishing The Intimate Relations Of Marriage
( Originally Published Early 1900's )
MARRIAGE is one of the most important steps a man can take. It may make or mar one's entire life. It can build you up or tear you down. It can ennoble every phase of your character, or it can make you a miserable, cringing failure.
In view of the far-reaching importance of this influence on life, is it not well to give much careful thought to the establishment of the relations which are freighted with such momentous possibilities? And is it not a frightful mistake that so few men or women receive any sort of correct instruction about the problems of married life?
We may take it for granted, first of all, that you have married not only because of love for your wife, but also because of a deep-seated, sincere respect. Therefore you should begin the divinely instituted relationship of holy wedlock in a manner that is fitting in every way.
You should clearly understand that you have no rights in wedded life which are not freely, willingly, and even eagerly given you by the wife of your choice. Some authorities declare that 95 per cent. of all marriages are unsuccessful. Knowledge and consideration on the part of either or both the persons about to be married would marvelously change these figures. Some men hold the profane and pitiless theory that marriage gives a man the right to outrage a woman regardless of her desires. Such a view makes the relationship an almost unrelieved purgatory for the wife.
The least a man can do who expects to assume the serious responsibilities of marriage is to learn something of what might be termed "the feminine rights." No man has a right' to force his desires upon a woman, and if ever there is a time in a man's life when passion should be reasonably controlled, it is during the first few days of married life. Love is a wonderful power. It beautifies and ennobles every phase of human life. When it enters your heart, every possible effort should be made to retain, strengthen, and deepen it. Therefore treat your wife with every consideration. Let the lovemaking of your courtship days continue as before. If you value your happiness and the love of your wife, postpone the intimate relations of married life until she anxiously de-sires them. Uncontrolled passion in the early part of married life can have but one result, and that will be disappointment and perhaps repulsion upon the part of both husband and wife. In most cases it is advisable to avoid these relations for some time after marriage. Sometimes a month or more will elapse before they can be entered upon wisely.
Furthermore, remember that women in some instances require this particular part of their nature to be developed and awakened. A wife's acquiescence must be courted and won. When a husband rushes roughly and hastily to the gratification of animal passions, the love of the wife may be instantly and permanently destroyed, and the possibility of a happy home life may be forever eliminated.
The husband should first of all make up his mind that the wife is to be the controlling factor in all sexual relations. If during marriage he continues the conditions of courtship, and the lovemaking associated therewith, her instincts will always indicate the time when the marital relation may be wisely entered into. He will soon understand her attitude from her responses to his caresses.