Can A Wrecked Marriage Be Reclaimed?
( Originally Published Early 1900's )[an error occurred while processing this directive]
THE idea prevails that a love once lost cannot not be recalled, that within the ashes of a dead love no vital spark remains. Is this conclusion justified in every instance, or can one hope to revive a dead love? In other words, if you have made a failure of your marriage and the love that originally inspired it has disappeared, can it be reclaimed? Can you again feel the joys and delights that originally influenced you in selecting your mate ? These questions assume paramount importance at times. Divorce, to many people, carries with it an unbearable disgrace and is a thing not to be considered under any circumstances. Those who look at it in this light are willing to bear any degree of suffering and shoulder daily a load of torture that is almost unendurable, rather than seek the divorce courts for relief. Furthermore, when children must also share in the disgrace the difficulties are very greatly increased. It is therefore well worth while to consider carefully every possible means that might be adopted with a view of reclaiming a lost love.
In attempting to offer reasonable suggestions for the solution of this very serious problem, one must first of all determine the destructive agenties that are to blame for the change of attitude. Why does your sweetheart no longer attract you? Why are the thrills which formerly enthralled. you no longer experienced? The glance of the eye, the touch of the hand, have lost their alluring force. This change has been brought about by some very definite causes and it is your duty, as nearly as possible, to determine their nature.
In nearly every instance the change is brought about by excess. It more frequently arises be-cause of the desires and excessive demands of the husband. When a man takes advantage of his so-called "rights" in marriage and demands that a wife satisfy him at all times there is bound to be excess, as I have clearly set forth elsewhere in this volume. The natural law does not recognize the rights of a man under such circumstances. As already stated it should be the privilege of the woman to dictate as to the time when marital intimacies should take place. There the man has taken upon himself this privilege, he is largely to blame for the death of love. In some cases where the wife has failed to develop the instincts of passion, or where these desires have been developed abnormally, love can easily disappear.
In order to cure a disease one must, first of all, learn the cause. Therefore, in attempting to reclaim a wrecked marriage one must know the cause of the difficulty. Carefully read what has been said in these pages relating to the physiological laws of marriage and then ask yourself what mistakes you have made. After you have been able clearly to see your errors, then proceed to prescribe for yourself accordingly.
The first remedy to be applied in practically every case is a prolonged absence. If the husband and wife were separated for several months, or, if possible, even for a year, it would no doubt be far easier for them to overcome their difficulties. During this absence every possible means of building up the highest degree of physical excellence should be adopted. The wife, at least, should go through a thorough course of physical upbuilding. She should make her physique as strong and as splendid as possible. It must be admitted that in many instances the conditions which have made divorce possible have come about largely through lack of physical development on the part of the wife. If she had possessed a normal physique, she would have had the protective instincts which would have made excess impossible. Many women could, under such circumstances, so radically improve their physical appearance that, whatever attraction they may previously have had, would be greatly enhanced. Physically defective wives in many instances can easily be made into strong, splendid specimens of womanhood. The old-time sweet-heart might easily be won back in many cases if this remedy were adopted completely and intelligently.
Naturally, the same suggestions can be offered to the suffering husband. He, too, should go through a course of physical upbuilding, thorough enough, at least, to bring back the vigor and vitality that he may have lost through marital mistakes. If these suggestions were adopted, a great many wrecked marriages could be reclaimed; and if the physiological laws of marriage are followed, at least to a reasonable degree, in all further marital relations, there is good ground for hope that the remating may be permanent.
A proof of the accuracy of the conclusions presented herewith is found in the numerous cases in which divorced couples remarry. These renewed marriages appear in general. to be tolerably successful, and nearly every reader will no doubt be able to recall having read of remarriages of this nature. They at least furnish definite proof that the old love can come to life again. Unquestionably, a second marriage of this nature has a better opportunity of being successful than the first experience. Even without knowledge of, the physiological laws such couples are likely to have learned something from experience.